Anyone Can Be Controlled

Control is an interesting area in behaviour because there are subtle differences in interpretation. Most commonly, it is where control is done without conscious knowledge and secondly, those that believe they have control over their lives and situations, yet have none.

Perfect control is simply balance; where no control is necessary and harmony, flow freely exists. This is often demonstrated in a state of happiness and confidence.

Then there is the version of control that is the most devastating and horrific which is where there may be some conscious knowledge however, there is something of great value at risk - be it children, pets or loved ones and this is used to enforce control. 

It is easy to stand on the outside of a situation or relationship judging why a person does not leave an abusive relationship or even worse, considering them stupid or pathetic for continuing to return to that relationship. 

Woman Standing in Field

It is very easy to judge that which has never been experienced first hand. The fact is, that until this has been experienced there should be no opinion or judgment, only compassion for something that is complicated.


Sadly, still today, irrelevant of awareness and the increase of domestic violence cases, there is little social support however, heavy handed stigma attached. It is as though the victim is at fault and to blame, not the perpetrator. It is disappointing and unacceptable. The focus should be always on the aggressor, the culprit because no one asks to be treated this way, let alone deserves it. 

Woman in Bed

Consequently, many believe that a person cannot be controlled and it is their fault if they are. Ahh, if only life was this black and white. But it is so far from it.

The control used in an abusive relationship is through manipulation, humiliation, gaslighting, indirect and direct verbal abuse. The person becomes isolated, black mailed by behaviour and if they care for something or someone, like a child or pet, this is used against them, while the child or pet is often harmed irrelevant. 

Now consider this over years and years, include date rape, and yes, forced sex i.e. rape in marriage or relationships is illegal; social pressures and expectations, shame, guilt, depression to cope, loss of identity, anxiety due to being in constant fear, not to mention no financial stability or support.

This becomes one of the most disgusting forms of control and it can happen to anyone. It has nothing to do with being an empath or being highly sensitive, and everything to do with having empathy, which every single, normal person has. 

Before judging someone as weak or lacking for finding themselves in an emotionally and behaviourally controlled situation for no other reason than they have a heart, consider this could equally happen to you. 

by Hally Rhiannon-Nammu

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